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They're always a little bit disappointed because they want you to join the army, or be a doctor.
He accepts he's not everyone's cup of tea, but credits his mother for his sense of humour. He'll say, "I've got a joke for you", and they're so awful.
A gag on house-hunting, for instance - 'They said it was split-level and open-plan, but so is an NCP car park' - always got a giggle.
As did his gag about today's penchant for silly children's names - 'The other day I was served by a girl in Boots called Mmmm... With his trademark gap-toothed smile and thick glasses, Alan has a face you can't forget.
'Well, Christan Slater doesn't have an inflated ego, but he didn't want to do a Brokeback Mountain sketch,' he says.
'He refused to dress up as a cowboy, so Justin was dressed as a woman and I was in trousers without a bottom and had a handlebar moustache. She refused to come out of her dressing room and sing the song at the end. All you think is, "Well, I can't get p****d now because I'll be photographed with Jodie Marsh or Dean Gaffney." 'When I go to clubs and bars now, I get people photographing and filming me, and slyly asking me to say certain things.
Comedian Alan Carr holds up his mobile phone and begins scrolling through his address book.